Grateful Thursday

Any day is a great day to think about all the awesome things God has done for me :-)

• That I woke up this morning. Sounds lame and generic, but I would rather this than the alternative ;-) I have another day to do something great! To work hard and dream big. A new day means holds so many wonderful things.
• My husband. Might be self-explanatory to most of you, but he is a definite gift from God. He has helped me grow and better myself. Loving our adventure together! Each day brings new things that make me love him more.
• My childhood. There's always good and bad things about growing up, no matter ones experiences. My life is no exception. Growing up on a farm gave me so many wonderful adventures. It's definitely in my top 5 best places to raise kids.
• Mistakes. Mistakes are an unfortunate part of life. They can make or break a person. I haven't liked making mistakes, but for the most part, they have made me who I am today.
• Friends. Those people who have stuck by me through everything. Those who have pushed me away for no good reason - despite the hurt, they've helped me grow stronger. Friends are necessary for a fun and happy life. I thank God for each one of mine.
• Family. The people that mean the most to me. Some aren't even blood related, but they are closer than mere friends. Now that I am married my family circle has grown immensely. One thing I've noticed is with some families, my chosen one included, it's like you were always there. The love and acceptance is overwhelming...it's wonderfully overwhelming!
• Rain storms. As a farmer you either hate them or you love them. When I have the time to enjoy them, they are extremely relaxing. Curl up with a hot cup of tea and a good book, or let the soothing lullaby sing me to sleep. Oh, and don't even get me started on thunderstorms! ;-)

Ok, enough for now. (I need something for further posts and anyway, 7 is a perfect number, right? ;-)

Self-Worth

It's been eleven days.

Eleven wonderful days since I became Mrs. C!

And yet, only a couple days...err...hours since I was questioning my self-worth once again.

You know what I'm talking about, ladies. No matter how secure or self-confident we like to think we are, somewhere, deep down, hidden where none of us like to look, is doubt. An insecurity or two. Something that makes us suddenly stop in our tracks and say things like: "I'm a failure," or "I can't do anything right."

When things are going well we start to think that it's too good to be true. We feel we are too horrible to have anything good happen to us.

Where do we get these ideas? How do we women and girls learn from a very early age to question their self-worth?

We learn to dislike almost everything about ourselves and either withdraw from the world or set out to become the most popular girl, no matter the consequences. There are some that fall in between those extremes however...

I didn't withdraw myself completely from the world. Most people who know me would have a hard time believing that I am anything but the facade I have mastered over my twenty-something years of life. Most days, I'm not putting on the smile, the warm friendliness, the genuine me. I really do care about my friends, love my family, and adore my new hubby.

But then I catch a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror. I say something wrong. I don't do exactly what the boss wants.

And I spiral back into that pit that is filled with vile self-loathing, pity, and harsh self-reproach.

I see it happening and yet I can't seem to stop myself. Sometimes I sit in this metaphorical abyss for days. It's familiar, somewhat comfortable. I'm good at it - I've been doing it for years.

But recently I've realized something...

I'm not "alone" in my life journey. I have a partner. Two actually. Mr. C. And God. And they are affected by me. When I fall into the pit of negative self-worth, they actually are hurt too.

It took hubby explaining it to me the other night for me to realize how much they are invested in me. In this partnership.

He asked me how much I was worth to him.

I whispered, "You say 'everything'."

He nodded and then asked, "Where's the proof?"

I looked at him puzzled for a minute, but understood when he raised his hand.

"This ring is your proof of what you're worth to me," he said gently.

He went on to question how much I thought I was worth to God.

"Everything?"

"Yes, and where's the proof?"

I couldn't think of the answer.

Softly he told me, "In Jesus' hands - the nail prints."

I cried.

Ladies, we are constantly being told how much we're worth based on society's scale. We're too fat, too short, too dumb, too frumpy, too poor, too this, too that.

It's about time to realize that we're too WORTHY to beat ourselves up or put ourselves down anymore! It's not going to happen overnight. We're going to trip and fall into that abyss over and over again.

But we can get out.

I am a mess. I don't have my life together. I make mistakes.

But I have a circle of family and friends that care about me.

I have a wonderful husband that loves me.

I have a God Who sent His Son to die for me.

I'm a beautiful mess.

I am God's masterpiece and He ain't finished yet!

So You're Marrying A Farmer...

As our wedding becomes a reality (a little over 6 months, or about 208 days away ;) my brain has been working double-time. There are so many things that need to be decided and picked out and people to talk to and things to buy and....... I don't think I need to go on.

But besides all of the things that go into planning the actual wedding, I've been thinking about all that goes into a MARRIAGE - which is much more important in our book.

The other day I was reading a blog post written by a young woman who married a farmer, sharing all of the things that she is learning and realizing about her new life as a farm wife - and it got me to thinking...

Fiancé didn't have any idea what he was getting himself into when he moved up here last year.

He's learned that fast-food is a treat - no, we don't live THAT far from town, but there aren't a lot of restaurants nearby. We do go to a little hole-in-the-wall once in a while. It's become "our place" and the waitress knows us (another perk of living in a small town :) but eating out is still not the norm.

He's also realized that plans are never for certain - while there are things on the calendar, that doesn't mean it'll always happen. When I was growing up my brother and I joked that we never knew we were going to be able to go do something until we were in the car and halfway there...not too much of an exaggeration for farm kids.

Along with scheduling issues, time is not our own during Spring until Fall. There are exceptions to the rule, but planting, haying, and harvesting come first. This means early mornings, late nights, many hours in the tractor, and the need for deliveries of food, water and other supplies.

While farm life may not be the ideal for many individuals in this world, it is my life. It's a part of me, as Fiancé has learned.

But, instead of running away, he's pitched-in and done what he can to make my load a little easier. He's learned the language of my people and just might make a good farmer after all :P

I couldn't ask for a better man, life-partner, and friend.

And I can't wait to be his wife! :D

The Nine Year Old Boy

My great-aunt wrote this poem about Grampa (her older brother) for his and Gramma's 50th Anniversary...

The Nine Year Old Boy

by Polly

Many years ago, on a certain day

A baby girl came here to stay.

And a little boy just nine years old

Had a birthday present, so he was told.

“Come see your present” mother said

As she lay at home in her bed.

A nine year old boy, feeling quite shy

Went near her bed to stand neat by.

Hoping and hoping for a real nice toy

For wouldn’t that be just nice – oh boy!

When our mother turned the blanket on the bed

Where was a baby, all wrinkled and red!

That was no present, no wonderful toy

What a disappointment for a nine year old boy.

But he survived and so did I

Even though I wasn’t the apple of his eye.

And over the years we grew quite close

As brothers go, he is the most.

Then he met Clara, a wonderful pal

As a wife and sister, she’s a real great gal.

Now they are in their golden years

When I think if it, it brings the tears.

For as close as a brother and sister can get

The years of love are all with us yet

So brother enjoy your wife and life

And pass by all the troubles and strife.

We are still as close as will ever be

And Happy 50th Anniversary.

New Beginnings

New Beginings

by Karen Briggs

As spring comes to the land,

The bears wake up.

The geese fly North,

And the dog has a pup.

The cow’s new calf,

Lies on the new green grass.

And the fawn lies still,

As the wolf does pass.

All the animals have new beginnings,

When spring comes each year.

So we should all look to see,

At what might appear.